this is nice

I don't really know if anyone actually reads this site. I honestly don't care so much...its nice to be able to just talk....say how I feel.

Currently..I am lost in life. I can't get a job anywhere. its so hard out there. my resume is a good resume. but i lack in certain departments which i guess is part of why i can't get a job. like I don't know excel for anything...most admin jobs require knowing that...but the thing is...I DON'T WANT TO WORK IN ADMIN/OFFICE/CORPORATE CRAP!!!! I just want to have a job that is fun to go to, that pays my bills and keeps me happy. I wish someone would just hire me to be a personal assistant or something. just something.

life is hard right now. I miss my dad. I wish he was here to help me figure out all this shit. I turned to him for advice on everything in my life. now I feel lost and unsure and insecure and just fucking lost.

lifa was enver this hard with all these decisions to be made and problems to be solved...im not saying that my life was easy, cuz if I actually thought about my life I would think it has been hard as can be to live...but I am happy for every day I get, living healthy and happy and strong.

i feel like we made a mistake moving back...we should have stuck it out one more year. but my dad died and I wanted to be with my friends and family. I wants to be close with them. it was the right decision at the time, but now its different....ok so I am totally NOT the shoulda coulda woulda kind of girl.it WAS the right thing to do at the time. now we just need something different.

i hope something positive comes to us quickly...WE NEED something happy and exciting. I need a break from here already...we;ve barely been back 6 months...we are so fucking broke and its so stressful...i hate how much we all need money in order to survive in order to live....in order to be happy.

I recite the serenity prayer all the time...you have to in such craziness.

GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

ONE DAY AT A TIME> how I live my life.

peace out to all my non readers...I'll be back soon

xoox

~@

4 years later...still going strong

ok so I totally forgot I even started this blog. I was writing a post for my other blog amandacakes and realized I was signed in to this blog instead...old email account I checked last night must have stayed signed in...

Wow so much has happened in 4 years. I actually just passed my 7 year mark since my transplant. :) My kidney is still going strong and kicking. my creatine is 1.2 Makes me a bit nervous looking back and seeing it was 1.03 a few years ago, but i'm staying positive and I am with in range.

I was living in Cincinnati, Ohio for 2 years and just moved back to CT. My husbands job (yeah you know that guy Duncan i was so in love with back then...yeah hes my husband now! I KNEW IT!) brought us to Cincinnati it was good to get away from CT for a while...its def been a hard 2 years though. Timing was horrible, or maybe it was good I don't know.

Duncan and I got married Feb 13, 2009 the day after I turned 30!!!! it was crazy! I'm so happy he's my husband. i see more and more everyday how wonderful he is. I hope we can have kids soon. He will make an amazing dad for sure.

My grandmother Bernice had COPD for a few years...she was so sweet. She passed away March 14, 2010. I was there when she went. I know she's happy in heaven now...no tubes, no pain, no pills...eating whatever she wants. :)

My dad got diagnosed with cancer about 3 years ago. Bladder. He had a long hard battle and was in remission for almost a year when it came back. The doctors gave him 6 months to live...he passed away 5 months later...............................................I'll get into it all at another time.

devastated.

Duncan and I are in the process of trying to have kids. Nothing yet. My periods have been irregular since I moved to Cincinnati. The doctors are pretty confident that I can get prego...I just hope it happens soon. Im so ready. I think it will also do a lot of good for my family. Something to look forward to...exciting...positive.

well, now that i have remembered i have this blog (and that no one knows about it....) im gonna post as I go. Feeling thoughts experiences etc.

thanks for reading....

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